Battling emotional insecurities is like a classic game of whack-a-mole. Trying desperately to avoid unkind words is like avoiding the pounding mallet. The terror lies in the mallet’s unpredictability.
Some days, infused with regained energy and optimism, I thrust up from the dark safety of my self-imposed, solitary hole. Bright and colorful potential is before me as I imagine my perfect day: talking and laughing with people.
Most often, these feelings of being and belonging are fleeting, fear regains its hold, and I retreat in solitude.
Other days I emerge, and chaos reigns. “Why can’t you just do what I say!” WHACK “I will pay attention to you when I am good and ready!” WHACK “You are a total failure!” WHACK.
Stop Playing the Game and seek God
Above all, I had to stop playing the game and turned to God and the refuge of His everlasting love. I began to recognize the true source of my issues and learned I didn’t have to deal with it alone. Through prayer I found strength to seek professional help when needed or leave an abusive situation when necessary. We can always trust God to show us the way.
Psalm 107:13-15, English Standard Version: “Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst their bonds apart. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man!”
Isaiah 61:1-3, Living Bible: “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the suffering and afflicted. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted, to announce liberty to captives, and to open the eyes of the blind. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of God’s favor to them has come, and the day of his wrath to their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel he will give: beauty for ashes; joy instead of mourning; praise instead of heaviness. For God has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory.”
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