Don’t Wait for Closure, Realize It

For years I had waited and as I walked down the hospital corridor, I couldn’t help but hope that I would finally get closure.

But this death bed confession was not like what you see in the movies. No regret, no remorse, just the off-handed comment, “you turned out okay.”

My anger bubbled under the surface like a volcano preparing to explode. It was hard not to internalize the lack of recognition and rejection I had experienced at the hand of my father. It was also hard to not turn that anger on myself for years of harboring unrealistic expectations.

For endless days, I sat with my Bible and journal, and I would cry out, “God, I just want to be free.” One morning, a small voice within me said, “You are free.” Wait, what? But I hadn’t gotten a call yet. My father was still hanging on to life, so nothing had changed. The thought that my freedom hinged on his literal death quickened the molten lava of my anger.

Again, I heard, “you are free.” Opening my Bible app, I typed free in the search bar. I read verse after verse, declaring my freedom. John 8:36 simply says, “So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.”

Like Dorothy having the ability to leave Oz, I could realize my closure. Jesus offered me an unconditional and pure love. A love that could reach back in time and help me see His guiding throughout my life. Jesus helped me see how my circumstances had forged me with strength and compassion, and that a loving and supportive family surrounded me.

When my father died, I recognized that my anger didn’t die with him. It still existed, with no one to attach it to except me. I had to focus on self-care to process those years of hidden feelings and, with the help of a professional counselor, and bolstered by faith, my volcano is dormant and on its way to extinction.

Life is hard. My advice: Believe in yourself, you can do it. Getting help is a sign of your willingness to be done with it. Strengthen yourself with faith and prayer. Don’t wait for closure, realize it!

“Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.”

Proverbs 29:25