A Wise Old Owl

During World War II, the military used an old nursery rhyme to communicate the importance of listening more and speaking less.

The origins of the rhyme are unknown; found to be published in an 1875 issue of Punch, a British weekly magazine. John D. Rockefeller also quoted the verse in an interview in 1909:

“There was an owl lived in an oak.
The more he heard, the less he spoke.
The less he spoke, the more he heard.
O, if men were all like that wise bird.”

Listening is something we all do naturally, but do we really? I have noticed some cues when I may not be listening:

• My mind wanders.
• I think about my oh so clever response or what story I can tell next.
• Not making eye contact; I’m watching other people.
• I think I have the answer to their dilemma and can’t wait to share my quick fix if they would ever stop talking.

Upon reflection, I remember a meeting I attended for Stephen Ministries. While I was navigating various forms of grief, I found great comfort from several books written by founder, Dr. Kenneth C. Haugk, especially Journeying Through Grief.

It would be fair to say their ministry is based on listening. From their website:

“Stephen Ministers are lay congregation members trained to provide one-to-one care to those experiencing a difficult time in life, such as grief, divorce, job loss, chronic or terminal illness, or relocation.

Stephen Ministers come from all walks of life, but they all share a passion for bringing Christ’s love and care to people during a time of need. Since 1975, more than 600,000 people from more than 14,000 congregations and other organizations have been trained as Stephen Ministers.”

How encouraging to read how others express the profound impact of someone listening:

“My Stephen Minister listens—really listens.
He doesn’t judge me or tell me what to do
but walks side by side with me. I never realized
how helpful and healing that can be. With his
care and support, I’m making it through.”
— Brian

“My Stephen Minister loves me, listens to me,
cares for me, prays for me, supports me, and
gives me a safe, confidential relationship
where I can totally share my heart. No matter
how much I have to unload on her, she listens
to whatever is going on.”
— Celeste

“Stephen Ministry showed me the face of Christ.
God brought me exactly what I needed
through the care of my Stephen Minister, and
that demonstrated to me how God cares for
each and every one of us.”
— Frank

There is much to learn from Stephen Ministry’s list of 5 Ways to Be a Better Listener. (This is their list with my summary of their material):

1. Be Intentional. Listening is not passive; don’t talk about yourself, don’t debate, instruct, or try to fix things.
2. Be Attentive. Focus! Notice body language, voice tone, facial expressions, and word choices to understand the feelings behind their words.
3. Be Responsive. Offer nonverbal cues like nodding, brief responses like “mm-hmmm,” and express back to them what they said in your words, keeping your comments short.
4. Be nonjudgmental. Watch your body language, like looks of shock or disagreement, crossing your arms; avoid asking questions that begin with “Why?” You want them to feel confident in sharing without being judged.
5. Be Trustworthy. Assure them that you will share nothing they say with anyone. Promote caring through trust and safety.

Being heard is a universal need for every human being. Listening is hard work. If we want to grow, learn, avoid conflict, and have deeper relationships, it is essential to focus on our listening skills.

May we all become wise old owls!

“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” James 1:19