Emergence and Chaos Theory and the Butterfly Effect. Sometimes my inner nerd needs attention. Randomly, I become fascinated by reading scientific stuff. Even discovering apps to play with the Mandelbrot set and fractal structures. I see proof of God in the math: infinite.
So, relating human life experiences to the life cycle of the butterfly makes sense to me. For a time, I sealed myself in a cocoon, trying to protect myself from an onslaught of emotions. Swirling in a brooding mess of negativity, my caterpillar soup. With the help of family, personal and professional friends, and a lot of prayer, I eventually emerged, changed.
Like the progression of the caterpillar to a butterfly, we all experience life’s transformations: childhood, adulthood, retirement, trauma, depression, marriage, death, just to name a few. Why do we fight inevitable change? Perhaps it is the fear of the unknown and that is uncomfortable. What if we could trust the process, even lean into it, have faith in it?
Beginning the Process
Initially, I firmly believed that I didn’t need to change. I eventually realized that stubborn attitude didn’t give me the results I hoped for. Part of the process was trusting God’s ways as best for me. Here’s what I discovered:
My behavior towards people was impatient, sarcastic, and judgmental. But, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says, “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude, does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
Being set in my ways, I insisted on being accepted as I am. Then I read Romans 12:2, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”
Clinging to self-defense and preservation, I had constructed a substantial wall around my heart. But God calls us to love, and to be the first to act in love. “For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:14. “Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.” Luke 6:38.
C.S. Lewis said, “Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind…it is pride which has been the chief cause of misery in every nation and every family since the world began.”
For so long, I was praying and waiting for God to change my circumstances. All the while, God was waiting for me to change me.
Leave a Reply